DEAR MISS MANNERS: We request your advice on whether it is acceptable to issue (and accept) wedding invitations after the first batch has gone out.
We received an invitation to a local wedding, and it is clear from the timing and information on the couple’s website that most invitations were sent much earlier. We would like to attend, but my wife is concerned that there is something unseemly about not being included in the initial invite list.
I think it makes sense that we are backup guests. The bride and our daughter were best friends in elementary school, and our families became close and vacationed together. The girls drifted apart in middle school, and so did the adult friendship. But we have fond memories of the bride and her family.
GENTLE READER: It is unfortunate that social postings have made so much known that shouldn’t be.
For hosts to have a B list is not wrong; predicting how many invitations will be accepted is next to impossible, and including others when there is room is sensible.
But making it known who is on the B list is wrong. As guests should respond immediately (this is Miss Manners living in a dream world), the batches of invitations should be mailed no more than a week apart.
Nevertheless, it is not an insult to discover that distant friends would like to have you, but give priority to closer ones. Whether or not you attend should depend on your feelings about them — whether you still like them and their daughter enough to be part of their family occasion.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
