May 2021 Wedding Planning Open Thread

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Hey friends,

Buckle up, because this is about to get real (like, really real). Let’s talk about some wedding planning drama and stress. For the last few weeks, my partner and I have been in a perpetual state of ‘woah, what the hell is going on here?’ Like, people keep truly shocking us with their antics in this final month-ish before our tiny pandemic wedding. Or at least, we feel shocked because somehow we thought with my wedding planning knowledge, and our small pandemic wedding dreams, we would get to like… skate through without the ‘drama’ and challenges that so many others have warned us about.

In the last week, Trisha and I have taken turns crying, no less than three times each. We’ve had brutally uncomfortable conversations with friends and family who we can’t invite to our tiny pandemic wedding. We’ve learned that our friend, who we had asked (with a funny mug and custom folio) to officiate our wedding… decided they can’t (for COVID adjacent reasons, despite all the precautions we’re taking). And one of our very closest family members decided they won’t be attending our wedding because they don’t agree with our guest list choices (as in… we can’t invite everyone because of the pandemic, they are invited, but they don’t like that someone else isn’t invited.) That’s all been in the last week. So, excuse me while I take a crying break right now.

Y’all… I was truly foolish enough to believe that somehow we just weren’t going to face this kind of drama and stress. I was so young then (see: me two months ago). 😐 Please, someone, tell me that you also found yourself facing harder sh*t than you expected?

I know I’m lucky to work with a team of humans who are the wisest in the biz, so I reached out to the team to share my stress and anxiety, and seek any feedback and… well… solidarity. I got it, and I want to share it with you. Meg, naturally, had a resource to send me to. She told me to open A Practical Wedding and read a certain section, and while I’ve obviously already read the book… it hit me right in the feels. So, here I am dropping this little helpful bomb on all of you.

“There is one profoundly good reason that you went through all the trouble it takes to plan a wedding, and that is because it gives you the chance to celebrate with your loved ones. The people who show[ed] up to support you? Those are the right people.”

“Planning a wedding is a such giddy mix of beautiful things combined with a serious dose of pain in the ass, so it’s easy to get focused on This One Day We Spent So Much Time And Money Planning. But that day is not the point. Your marriage is the point. So as your wedding day approaches, remember that this too shall pass. And what you’ll be left with is your marriage, which is infinitely more beautiful than the most stunning wedding dress in the world.”
—Meg Keene, A Practical Wedding (starts on page 197 in the first edition, page 186 in the second edition.)

So, wedding planning friends… can we get really really real this month? How are things going for you? Where are you at in your wedding planning journey? I’m in the final six weeks now, which I have been reminded, might just ramp up some of these struggles and anxiety. Have you had weird wedding dreams? Have you been grappling with disappointment following choices or statements from family or friends?  Do you have logistical planning questions/issues that we (other readers, or myself) could help with? Let’s talk it all out. It’s your open thread.

—xo, Alyssa

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